Rays of Life

A work in progress.

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Baring the body… and soul…

It is easier to bare one’s body than to bare the soul…

I read the quote somewhere, possibly in Facebook. It is on point! Don’t you think?

intimacy

I remember this story about someone I know through a friend. A girl from high school used to be fat. She was tall, big-boned, and just a tad over plump. More than a tad. Boy ignored her and she was a nobody in school. Until one summer, she did everything she could to change. Her family was on board, bringing her to HongKong to try the latest on losing weight. When school started, every person on campus was asking who the new girl was, not knowing she was the same girl everybody used to ignore.

She became the “it” girl.

Boys flocked to her side. Left and right, she was the center of attention of both boys and girls, the latter wanting to be her best friends so they, too, would get noticed by the whole campus.

At first, the girl took advantage of the favorable situation. She dated the guys she used to have a crush on. She went steady with the campus heartthrob. She became the campus queen in no time at all!

But on a retreat, she confessed to being lonely. She bared her soul, reluctantly at first, to a small group of friends. She told them how lonely she felt in the middle of a crowd. It was the saddest feeling of all. She thought that being popular would make her happy but the truth was, it brought her more sadness.

She also confessed that intimacy is so much more difficult to share with someone unless your heart and soul are on board with it.

Baring your body is easier, yes, but it can also be hard especially when your heart is totally against baring it.

Regrets

regrets-mistakes

So many regrets…

I need to let go but there are days when I wish things were different.
That I did what I had to do but differently, with better results.

How I wish.

*sigh*

That one night at the cinema.

bare-back

Whenever I hear the song Sweet Home Alabama, it brings back that one night at the cinema, when I was with the person I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with. It just gives me all the feels…

He was a professor in Psychology. I didn’t think I’d like him because he was not good-looking, to be quite honest about it. He wasn’t my type. But, I guess, he made me realize that I dig the professor-smart-nerdy guys. I fell for him, just after a couple of conversations. I started dreaming of a life with him, even going as far as dreaming of a kid or two.

What I haven’t said yet was he was a married guy. Separated, but still married. He had one kid who was a tween back then. I also remember already planning on how to become a good stepmom to his daughter.

We were planning on living in. He would introduce me to his parents while I would introduce him to mine. He said that there would be no problem with his parents because they already knew that he was looking for someone, that he was ready to fall in love again. Mine was the problem because I knew my parents didn’t want me to marry yet. I was in my 20’s, then. They also would not want me to be with a married guy, no matter the legality of his separation with his wife. I was willing to do everything to make them accept him, our situation. If not, I was preparing myself to be disowned.

I was that in love with him that I was willing to throw away everything to be with him.

I will forever be grateful for small miracles in my life.

I was let go of the company I was working at.
I learned that he “cheated” on me with his ex-wife. Or, technically, wife.
I also learned that he hid so many things from me including his life in the province.

So many small things came to light.

And, one after another, it triggered my “awareness” of my worth.

I deserve someone better.

I have bared my body and soul to the wrong person, fell in love and got my heart broken. But it was time to let go and move on.

It took me a while before I finally did but I was able to do it.

Now, it all boiled down to that one night in the cinema where the song was an omen of sorts, telling me that I should be wary of the guy I was with. He was not meant to be with me.

Rays of Life

It’s not easy when you are down and out. You feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. You don’t know who are the real people from the ones who just want to gossip about what’s happening in your life. It feels like every little thing that is happening, taking place, brings more negative energy into your soul. You are weighed down and can’t seem to rise above the situation you’re in.

rays-sun

But you know what the good thing about life is? You can always choose what to feel, what path to take, how to react to whatever situation you are in now. There is always a choice! Yes, it is not easy. Life will never be easy, that’s for sure. There is always a way out, though. You can always choose.

And I am choosing to let the rays of life into my heart. I am choosing to stay positive no matter how weighed down I feel. I am choosing positivity because I know there is always hope for a better tomorrow.

What is your choice?

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