Rays of Life

A work in progress.

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Organized chaos.

work-desk

I bring home work. That’s a fact. I clock out of work early so as to avoid traffic and just bring home whatever I haven’t finished in the office. It’s the ideal set up for me since I want to be home as soon as night falls. I also look forward to being with my nephew whom I adore so much.

So, to make sure that I get some work done at home, I asked my sister to set up a home-office corner for me. Just a table and somewhere to put my stuff in.

I call it my organized chaotic corner. It’s always full of my stuff and no matter how much I make sure everything is in place, when I start working in my corner, chaos ensues.

Do you have a corner at home, too? Can I have a look?

xoxo

Fassbender… heart, heart…

If there is one guy who can make my heart jump out of my ribcage, that would be Michael Fassbender. My love!

*swoon*

Fassbender

I saw most of his movies but my favorite would be Shame. Hands down. Not only was he really good at it, the story superb, but also the hot sex scenes… wow. Just. Wow.

I have his other movies on my to-watch list. I have scheduled one for every Saturday night of mine.

Love is love.

Been following this gay couple, Victor and Javi, in Instagram and I can say that they are one of the most adorable, truest, love stories I’ve ever read/heard of. Theirs was the classic love story of meeting each other in high school, falling in love with each other in secret, but with love that strong, it only led them to a great relationship. And, then, marriage.

Javi-Vic

You can watch their wedding video and I assure you, you will fall in love with them.

Today is #NationalComingOut Day. I may not be gay and no one in my immediate family is but I do believe that love is love and I respect everyone’s right to live life the way they see fit.

Washed ashore…

I used to think my name was unique. I remember asking my mom where she got it and was told that it was from a list of American baby names. Cute.

When I checked the result of my college entrance examination results, I saw another person with the same name as mine. Wow. First time. What a coincidence that we have the same names and we belong to the same class! I thought to myself that I would get to know her, maybe be friends with her.

It happened. We became friends. There were eight of us. Maroneth, Coco, Julie, Rainelle, Elsa, Ethel, Sherry and Sherry. College became so much more fun and interesting because I found a group of friends who were as kooky and studious as me.

Of the eight of us, Coco and Maroneth were the independent ones. They were also friends with so many other students that, often, the six of us would be left to hang out after classes. Of the six of us left, Julie and Rainelle were closer to each other while Ethel, Sherry and I were bonded more. Elsa was the fifth wheel, always hanging out with either Julie and Rainelle or with the three of us. But the six of us were definitely always hanging out together as well.

I have other friends in college but my best friends were Ethel and Sherry. In my book, best friends hang out at each others’ houses, share the utmost secrets among each other, jive in so many things they have in common, and even talk about the most intimate things. The three of us did that all those times we were together.

shore

College ended and real life began. I was grateful that nothing changed. Ethel, Sherry and I became closer, even if we only get to see each other on weekends, sometimes even after two weeks. We still hang out at each others’ houses and talk on the phone until the wee hours of the night.

But one incident led to the break-up of what was the most beautiful kind of friendship I’ve ever had… it was work-related and, well, one thing led to another I just found myself isolated from both of them. I refused to talk to them when they were reaching out because I was hurt and scared and a lot of things were swirling in my mind then. Emotions were so high and fragile I thought I’d take a break from it all before speaking to them again.

Our friendship was never the same after that period. Actually, our friendship went kaput. We stopped talking to each other. It was like there never was a friendship between all of us. Even with Elsa, Rainelle and Julie. Coco became an acquaintance, so was Maroneth. The last five persons I was okay to not be friends with anymore. But with Ethel and Sherry…

It was like water sharply lapping at the shore, washing away all remnants of the past.

I miss them. Even after all this time, I miss the two of them so bad. They were my real best friends who were there when I was down and out. There were the ones who listened and never judged.

There are days when I wish I could turn back time to correct the mistakes I did. One of it was my friendship with them.

Baring the body… and soul…

It is easier to bare one’s body than to bare the soul…

I read the quote somewhere, possibly in Facebook. It is on point! Don’t you think?

intimacy

I remember this story about someone I know through a friend. A girl from high school used to be fat. She was tall, big-boned, and just a tad over plump. More than a tad. Boy ignored her and she was a nobody in school. Until one summer, she did everything she could to change. Her family was on board, bringing her to HongKong to try the latest on losing weight. When school started, every person on campus was asking who the new girl was, not knowing she was the same girl everybody used to ignore.

She became the “it” girl.

Boys flocked to her side. Left and right, she was the center of attention of both boys and girls, the latter wanting to be her best friends so they, too, would get noticed by the whole campus.

At first, the girl took advantage of the favorable situation. She dated the guys she used to have a crush on. She went steady with the campus heartthrob. She became the campus queen in no time at all!

But on a retreat, she confessed to being lonely. She bared her soul, reluctantly at first, to a small group of friends. She told them how lonely she felt in the middle of a crowd. It was the saddest feeling of all. She thought that being popular would make her happy but the truth was, it brought her more sadness.

She also confessed that intimacy is so much more difficult to share with someone unless your heart and soul are on board with it.

Baring your body is easier, yes, but it can also be hard especially when your heart is totally against baring it.

Regrets

regrets-mistakes

So many regrets…

I need to let go but there are days when I wish things were different.
That I did what I had to do but differently, with better results.

How I wish.

*sigh*

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